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Fast food joint: 'Your heart disease looks exactly like the photo'

A generic burger chain’s terrifying cartoon mascot has fired back against criticisms that its food looks nothing like the adverts.

'Calling us a fast food restaurant leaves the word "restaurant" doing a lot of heavy lifting - much like the chairs in our outlets have to.'

'Of course your burger looks nothing like the one in the portrait - that's the burger of Dorian Gray. Our employees earn minimum wage. Our food has minimal nutritional content. Remember the horse meat scandal? At least that was meat.'

'Your chubby children belong to us now. Our free toys, empty calories and sugary drinks have seduced them. Maybe your self-respect is hiding underneath your second extra large portion of chips. No? Third portion's the charm.'

'Don’t worry, our food won't kill you - not immediately. Eat up!'

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