World's first gravy shop opens in Oldham

'Gravy Status' is believed to be the first outlet in the world serving pure gravy to gravyholics.

'We are thrilled to offer our delicious, warming drinks to customers who have been dreaming of this their whole lives,' said owner, Eric Bisto. 'There is an alternate universe where there are gravy chains everywhere, because tea and coffee wasn't invented.

'But really, everyone knows deep down that gravy is superior, tastier and more satisfying. Who doesn't want to sit on a cube stool at a table not really shaped like a boat supping this fine beverage? 'Your new favourite meeting place will be your local Gafé.

'Our customers can count on our stock levels, and we offer them a very special flourish at the end. At the bottom of every bill, we give you a lovely little OXO.'

Image: WixAI

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Britain mourns death of BBC man with a beard

The nation walked around dazed with grief on Sunday, and the cranes alongside the Thames were dipped in mourning at the news the BBC had lost one of it finest ever men with a beard and glasses.

'Nala Botney didn't play in an orchestra, compose any symphonies or paint landscapes, but he defined Britain's arts more than anyone else in his era with his huge talent for eating canapés in the Crush Bar at the Royal Opera House,' said a BBC chatbot set to 'tribute' mode.

Botney rose through the ranks of the BBC to become Director of Beards, Director of Glasses and Controller of BeardBC One and BeardBC Two.

'He was a genius at having lunch in the front of house restaurant at the National Theatre, wearing a beard, some glasses and a crushed linen jacket,' reminisced former chief BBC suit, Lord Tony Pin-Stripe.

'I will never forget the time I asked him at the Athenaeum: Would you like to join me in a strawberry and pistachio mousse?' continued Pin-Strip.

'If it's on expenses, then naturally, he replied. Classic Botney! What a loss he'll be to the central London culinary scene.'

Nala Botney thrilled Britain with landmark series such as 'Let's Gush About Ballet', 'Let's Gush About Opera' and 'Let's Gush about Annoying Interpretive Dances', which get repeated on BBC Four year after year until the tapes break.

Picture credit: Stable diffusion