For further peace talks, warring factions will be encouraged to fill out UN-approved risk assessment forms. Refugees fleeing with their belongings are instructed to ensure appropriate manual lifting and any hurled rocks should have a ‘choking hazard’ warning sticker.
A Tel Aviv spokesman said: ‘We’ve advised civilians to not run with scissors. Causalities can easily be avoided by making snipers aware of any nut allergies. Gaza will become a safer environment if we just use swivel chairs with a lumbar support and less non-ergonomic rocket launchers’.