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GB News to introduce news in semaphore

With the first four days of GB News blighted by technical and audio issues, as well as blatant false named being read out, the head of production for the fledging channel has now instructed all presenters to become conversant in semaphore to assist in content delivery.

"I'm aware it's far from perfect," said Broadcasting Under Manager Michael Oxenlong this afternoon. "However, with the grainy video cameras and second-hand microphones I've been given to get this channel on the air, getting the presenters to hold flags and spell out the news letter-by-letter is about the only way I can get our message across. I've had to be careful though, Michelle Dewberry got too animated during a lockdown discussion yesterday and accidently spelt out 'Immigrants welcome.'"

Oxenlong's boss, William Stroker, was hoping this would be a temporary measure, remarking, "It's been a challenge to get such a new and important station on-air and delivering important content like regional variations on bread roll names and the defence of known sex-offenders on the basis of pure semantics. However, I've had a promise that our first tranche of advertising money will be spent on new AV equipment. I can't wait to see that roll, barn, or cob in!"

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