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Channel 4 apologizes as Grand Designs couple don't overspend or get pregnant

Updated: Nov 20, 2021

A spokesman for Channel 4 has apologised profusely after thousands of viewers complained about the content of this week's Grand Designs. Presenter Kevin McCloud, could be seen seething on camera as this week's couple, Tarquin and Philomena Farquar-Slowly were seen to have planned everything down to the last detail and even had a contingency plan and emergency funds.

Their "grand design" a former railway water tower with the added twist of being rebuilt in a tree on the side of a former slag heap, using only reclaimed materials and local labour, and powered by their own urine, was a huge success.

One viewer told us, "I was devastated! They didn't even have one blazing row where the man kicks something over and disappears for three weeks. The woman wasn't even pregnant for the whole show and about to give birth any second, yet still managing to carry concrete slabs up a ladder. They even had the correct planning permission, FFS!!!! I feel cheated!"

Tarquin and Philomena did not have to spend the winter in a leaky caravan nor did they max out fifteen credit cards or have to give false details at B&Q. They did not go cap in hand to Philomena's aunt, who hates Tarquin, or sell any of their family heirlooms, vehicles or bodily organs.

Kevin McCloud was unavailable for comment and is believed to be staying with friends.

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