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Johnson & Hancock awarded Nobel prize for work on ‘not following the science'

Updated: Dec 11, 2021

The thorny question of whether or not the UK government was really following the science has been solved by this year’s Nobel Laureates.

Johnson and Hancock's valuable research over the last 18 months hypothesised what would happen if senior members of a government told everyone they were following the science but, in fact, were ‘not following the science at all.’

A spokesperson for the Nobel medicine Committee said the UK team’s 'doing the exact opposite' research project allowed us to make sense for the first time the government thinking behind such policies as:

- The 'delay in taking any action whatsoever' strategy

- The 'not stopping flights coming to the UK from Wuhan until the day before the Chinese locked down the city; strategy - The 'Boris Johnson still shaking hands despite warnings from the Spi-behavioural group' strategy - The 'let's go for herd immunity' strategy - The 'don’t bother with facemasks' strategy - The 'we’re not listening to the WHO' strategy - The ;send PPE to China even though we might need it' strategy - The 'abandoning the idea of a circuit-break lockdown' strategy - The 'let massive sporting events with massive crowds go ahead' strategy

The spokesperson also praised the Johnson & Hancock team for investigating what caused some cabinet ministers such as Rishi Sunak to go completely rogue, although they didn't have time to come to any firm conclusions. He set up his EAT OUT TO HELP OUT strategy without asking any scientists or any advice whatsoever.

‘This is understandable as it would have detracted from the already excellent hypothesis that the team had on their main subject', said the spokseperson. 'However, they’ve not ruled out further explorations into the ‘I’m a minister, I’ll do what I f*cking well want if it means getting the cash tills of business ringing,’ strategy.’

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