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How to tell if dozens of people are having a party in your house

Are you concerned that people might be holding parties in your house without you knowing? Here are 10 tell tale signs to spot secret party nightmares:

  1. Are there people arriving at your house dressed in sparkly jumpers, holding bottles of booze and asking about the "meeting"?

  2. Do you bump into strangers on the stairs who insist on putting their arm around you and saying "I bloody love you."?

  3. Does your wife say things like "I hope the party doesn't damage the new decorations."?

  4. Are there photocopies of bottoms dotted around the room? Ones that you don't recognise as your own?

  5. When you're upstairs, do you hear the occasional strains of "Hi Ho Silver Lining" coming from downstairs?

  6. Is there a pile of coats in the spare room?

  7. When you walk across the room, are there a lot of dancing people in the way?

  8. Does some of your colleagues work look like it was written as part of a drinking game?

  9. Do some people keep asking you annoying questions about a party?

  10. Are you at a party right now?

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