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GCHQ is a front for ticket touts

Using a loophole in the Terrorism Act, the secret service has been sneakily jumping the queue for the front row seats to the Book of Mormon. Using powerful cyber-weapons, they have even monopolized backstage passes for the B*Witched reunion. Confessed one spy: ‘Ignoring civil rights is so much cheaper than paying full price for Hamilton tickets’

Ironically, the story of FA Cup tickets being touted was originally leaked to The Guardian, but sadly no one at The Guardian reads the sports page.


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