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Government categorically denies re-nationalizing railways, while it re-nationalizes railways

Troubled rail companies are to be brought under government control, but not really. No decision was made to strip Arriva Rail of its franchise and this ‘no decision’ was definitely not made by the Transport Secretary, Grant Shapps – who is merely a figment of your imagination.

Prior to the election, economists, journalists and Tory MPs insisted that any attempt to nationalize would result in financial ruin, nuclear holocaust and Mrs Brown’s Boys winning a National Television Award. Meanwhile in alternate universe, one month later, Boris Johnson has re-nationalized Northern Rail without batting an eyelid.

A Transport spokeswoman insisted: ‘There is no evidence to suggest we have nationalized anything, other than all the evidence. The government is purely the Operator of Last Resort and we have not reached that point. Although, yes, that is exactly the point we have reached.’

She further explained: ‘Privatization means we never has to pay for the railways.’ In separate news. the taxpayer has been told to stump up £106bn for the HS2 rail-link.

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