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Government health guidelines on drinking from skull of slain enemy

This wholesome ritual of post-battle bonding can be spoiled if you ignore simple precautions. Ensure all fragments of club, sword or spear are removed from the skull, as these can be harmful if swallowed. You need to carefully watch your alcohol consumption on these occasions, especially if your slain enemy had a large head. A capacious cranium filled with beer could put you over the drink-driving limit. Those who prefer alcohol-free lager can disregard the above advice.

Eating your dead enemy's heart to acquire his courage and prowess can also be hazardous, especially if it is a diseased organ swaddled in fat. As well as his battlefield valour, you might be acquiring the heart disease of a morbidly obese warrior - maybe there's a reason you had no problem hitting him with your spear from 100 yards. If you belong to an at-risk group with a high possibility of being killed and eaten, be sure to watch your diet and take regular exercise. This will ensure you don't pass on life-threatening cardiovascular problems to whoever defeats you in battle and feasts on your heart. The last thing your bereaved relatives would want is a lawsuit.

image from pixabay

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