The practice of Granny Farming has kept the Conservatives in power for 12 years. A Party strategist explained how it all works, making a strategic mistake in doing so by giving away how the Tories keep winning.
'What we do is go to care homes and identify the most vulnerable people. We thoughtfully assist them by making sure that they are registered to vote. Then, come election time, we provide them with a helpful service, whereby their postal vote is cast on a form which is pre-filled out in favour of the local Conservative MP.
'It's all completely legal and above board, and quite frankly demonstrates how much we care about the elderly community. Even though they are unable to process anything as complex as political thinking, it's obvious that they would want to vote Conservative, so we just make the whole process as easy as possible for them.
'There are over 4 million adults in the UK who struggle with remembering things, so a large number of them have no recollection of who they've voted for which is just as well. Quite frankly, if they ever did remember, then having to live with their crushing guilt would most likely kill them. And we certainly wouldn't want that, or would we? I mean, they're quite a drain on the public purse, and let's face it, unlikely to be around in five years time.'