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Authority warns Tory leadership that bar has been set so low, it is now an H&S issue

ModelMaker
Aug 7

Following a series of politicians being rushed to hospital with broken bones, the Health and Safety Executive has been called in to investigate the Tory Leadership contest between Liz Truss and Rishi Sunak.

Their conclusion has been that a dangerously low bar that MPs have been tripping over is to blame and have urged government to erect barriers around it and install warning signs.

Tha hazard is expected to remain until September 5th, and sadly likely to continue indefinitely after that too.

Image: Pixabay/ Mary_R_Smith

First published 7 Aug 2022

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We'll make motorbikes right-hand drive again, Tories pledge

Jeremynh
Jun 2

Updated: Jun 5

"For years, governments have kow-towed to the barmy directives of the European Court of Justice and accepted left-hand drive motorbikes on British roads," ranted Conservative transport spokesman, Terry Speedway.

"That's not only humiliating, it's downright dangerous for road users," Speedway continued.

"We demand that from now on, good British firms like Triumph and Norton make only right-hand drive models.

"And we'll also force filthy foreign imports like Vespas and Kawasakis to be right-hand drive, as well."

"The Tories are revving up the rhetoric on this because they're running scared of Reform," said Labour's Dirk Fuel-Cap in response.

"Well, we can run even scareder. That's why we'll be forcing all mopeds, e-scooters, push bikes and pedalos to be right-hand drive, as well."

Speaking from a Build-a-Bear workshop in Shepherd's Bush, where he was constructing an Evel Knievel koala, Sir Ed Davey said: "We in the Lib Dems won't be joining this race to the bottom.

"We want neither right-hand drive or left-hand drive motorbikes, but something in the middle."

image from pixabay

NewsBiscuit - Best of June 2024

NewsBiscuit
May 26

June 2024

In June 2024, the General Election campaign in the UK was all-consuming and there was no escape. The Tories continued to announce new policies that they could have enacted in office, but hadn’t bothered to. Labour continued to say as little as possible. Migrants arriving in small boats continued to be a big political issue. The government did successfully get rid of one unwanted migrant, however, as the infamous freeloader Julian Assange finally returned to Australia.

The stories we posted in June 2024 seemed to presage the election result. There was a lot of poking fun at the Conservatives, with a side order of incredulity about Reform, and a degree of tolerance for Ed Davey’s cunning stunts.

With hindsight, it seems impossible that the Conservatives could have survived such a satirical onslaught. And so it proved to be. We’re taking all the credit.

Almost all other news was squeezed out. But there is always room for a royal story, and Princess Anne provided some light relief by getting kicked in the head by a horse. We assume it was a horse. She can’t remember. It can’t have been Andrew, because he was getting a pizza. And Sir Ian McKellen engaged in some ill-advised crowd-surfing after falling off the stage at the RSC.

Here is a selection of the top stories from June 2024. Click through to read the stories and the author credits. Scroll down to see some of the month’s best headlines.

General Election Stories

Tory election campaign wins Turner Prize

Horrified Tories realise how much work is needed to rebuild

TV Election Debates: Five Key Take-Aways

Tories to shake up the NHS with the return of the 'wise woman'

Sir Ed Davey demands “just one more go on the swings” before press conference

Tories betting on what will happen to Tories found guilty of betting on election date

Farage to be Reform candidate for every constituency

Government denies putting sharks in Channel is part of anti-migrant policy

The Not-The-Election Stories

Voters thrilled at prospect of new Sky TV channel 'Watching Paint Dry

Cat hacks bank after realising his name was the password