OBR to focus on hypothetical Government spending

The Office of Budgetary Responsibility is to be renamed the Office of Hypothetical Spending and will devote 100% of its time to costing up Opposition spending plans.

‘It’s all very well saying how you’re going to improve the nation’, a Government spokesman said ‘but where will the money come from? Hmm? Answer me that if you’re so clever’.

Labour politicians have denied being ‘clever’ – an insult so potent in Westminster that it’s considered unparliamentary language – but point out that improving the nation used to form part of a government’s job description.

Some Tories have pointed out that they might be the Opposition quite soon, so the change could be an own goal, but Rishi Sunak has a Cunning Plan. ‘The new OHS needs an inspirational CEO, somebody who will tirelessly ask Labour where the money is coming from, and that is why I have decided to appoint Fiona Bruce to the role. She can carry on chairing Question Time, we don’t want that awful Victoria Derbyshire taking over’.

Image: Pixabay/6689062

First published 17 Oct 2023

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Tories propose new "sap tax" to fund inheritance tax cut

"The big thing about Kemi is that she really thinks through her genius policy decisions," lied a spokes-Pinnochio for the Conservative Party.

"So we wondered on her behalf how we would make up the revenue lost in removing inheritance tax on homes and we came up with a revolutionary new 'sap tax'.

"This is a tax levied specifically on kind-hearted saps who do things like tip cabbies, hand wallets full of money into the police and fill out tax return forms without inventing a whole load of deductible expenses. Tax collectors would go out and about, collecting information on likely marks.

"The great thing about a sap tax is that the people we're targeting are exactly the type of sheeple who'd pay a new tax without a bleat," said the Tory Party spokes-shearer. "The average Tory, of course, wouldn't be in the frame for it at all."

image from pixabay

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Tories to syphon off, errm, spend £10bn on 'Iron Dome' protection