Hopes fading for Kabul Wetherspoons

As the Taliban enter Kabul the future looks bleak for the city’s sole Wetherspoons outlet. ‘The Rory Stewart’, opened to great fanfare in 2011, was previously seen as major step forward in the rebuild of Afghanistan.


‘The post conflict hell of downtown Kabul seemed the ideal place to open a new pub’, explained bouffanted, modern day workhouse owner and Spoons boss Tim Martin, ‘In fact it seemed a little bit upmarket. But we felt that a combination of cheep booze, fruit machines and disgusting carpets was exactly what the poor Afghans needed as they attempted to rebuild their shattered lives.’


‘We don’t quite know what the situation is as we’re struggling to get any information out of there at the moment, but as a precaution we’ve already stopped paying our staff’


Despite the uncertainty it is thought the Taliban will inevitably close down the pub, as a spokesman for leader Hibatullah Akhundzada explained ‘His excellency will not tolerate such decadent, western infidel establishments. Besides, he’s much more of a Yate’s Wine Lodge kind of guy’.

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