A Home Office spokesperson said: ‘Evidence is like a good wine – it just gets better with age, plus there is a good chance it will just gather dust in the cellars of the rich and powerful never to see the light of day. Don’t be afraid to ask betting syndicates or FIFA for advice on ethical standards. Keep key witnesses in cells without cameras but with plenty of rope. And always have a good shredder on hand.’
someone can arrange for a ‘mysterious’ house fire to silence them
With regret Home Secretary Theresa May has conceded that she has run out of ‘dodgy’ candidates to appoint to chair the Inquiry into Historic Child Abuse. Having lost Baroness Butler-Sloss and now Lord Mayor Fiona Woolf to conflicts of interest, Mrs May has been forced to ask betting syndicates, investment bankers and FIFA on how best ‘to rig’ an inquiry. Fortunately having managed delayed the proceedings for a further three months, it is hoped that those accused will have had ‘…plenty of time to shred any incriminating documents’.