Finally fulfilling a promise made during Brexit and subsequent election campaigns, the amount of red tape in the UK has fallen by over 90% following delays to red tape imports caused by increased bureaucracy at the border. Stationery and art stores around the country have warned that a winter shortage in supplies will have a catastrophic affect on the number of bows around Christmas presents this year.
Although the fishing industry is on its knees, the promised £350 million a week cheque for the NHS is still in the post and the oven-ready deal is no more than an empty pack of unpicked frozen peas, the government have been celebrating the cut in red tape as “promises made, promises kept despite our best efforts to screw it all up”.
Nadine Dorries - newly appointed Minster for Flags, Farage and Gareth Southgate – indicated that the massive increase in paperwork, time and checks at the border were a small price to pay for the promised cut in red tape.
“We said from the very beginning that we got all of our red tape from the EU, and surprisingly we weren't lying” a spokesperson for Dorries added. “Apparently 200 tonnes a year. Now we have more forms to fill in than the PM's annual child maintenance assessment, most of it is stuck in Calais along with other unimportant things like food, medicine and a family of four who have been waiting in an immigration queue since February”.