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Impregnation of John Hurt was consensual, claims terrifying alien

The alien “facehugger” that attached itself to John Hurt’s face and pushed its ovarian tube down his throat has claimed that the encounter was “consensual”.

“Look, it was an emotional moment, the first time humans had come to our planet, and when he leant over the egg I just got a bit carried away,” said the terrifying xenomorph today.

”But for humans to turn round now and claim it wasn’t consensual is just ridiculous, and frankly speaks of a deep-seated prejudice against aliens that lay their eggs inside you.”

”And believe me, no one regrets more than me the fact that he later died in terror and agony when my offspring burst out of his chest. But I don’t think that takes away from the special moment we shared.”

A statement issued by the Jupiter Mining Corporation said that preserving the alien life form was the main priority and the crew were expendable, which still makes them look better than FIFA.

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