Child of a humble man and a virgin bride, the girl was born in a simple, wooden Los Angeles hospital. As predicted (and thanks to Twitter) the event was known instantaneously and worldwide. Post-birth Kim Kardashian has accepted gifts of gold, myrrh and a year’s subscription to ‘Heat’ magazine.
Already, transcripts of her 2003 sex tape are being transposed onto papyrus and painstakingly translated into Aramaic. 'Keeping Up With the Kardashians’ will now replace the King James Bible as being Michael Gove’s text of choice for all secondary schools.
Pope Francis told a packed St. Peter’s Square: ‘For as the lightning comes from the east, so will a Reality TV star be born to the Wests, called North - ’ An ebullient Kanye interrupted: 'Sorry your Holiness, I’ll let you finish. But Beyonce is one of the best Popes of all time!'