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Jools Holland to host the Night Tube




London Underground will begin running a late-night anarchic pop show on its Victoria and Central lines, with the Psychedelic Furs carrying people between Oxford Circus and Chigwell. Normal train services will be suspended, while 80's bands scurry through the tunnels looking for recording contracts, loose change and the rat-gnawed remains of their careers.


Jools Holland, rescued from hosting fake Hogmanay events and children's balloon parties, has agreed to return to the format that made him a household name - if only amongst the band members of 'Squeeze'. Sadly, the late Paula Yates is unavailable due to circumstances beyond her control, but she will be replaced by aggressive tramp called Malcolm, with a penchant for smack and special brew.


A producer said: ‘We expect the Night Tube to have that same train crash feel as the original show. But we will still ban buskers – so no Ed Sheeran.’


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