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Kim Jong-un to mate with Crested Shelduck

The international community breathed a collective sigh of relief to discover that the recent military posturing by North Korea was all part of an elaborate avian courtship ritual. On Friday, North Korean state broadcasters announced in a uniform manner: 'Worried that the Crested Shelduck will die out, our beloved leader has taken it upon himself to repopulate the species'

The male of the species is renowned for its aggressive mating and enormous sex organs often spiralling the length of its entire body. 'Given the duck’s amorous demands,' explained the spokeswoman with a fixed grin. 'Only one man has the vigour and girth to cope with such a bird – and also likes being tickled with a feather’.

‘Long Live General Kim Jong-un, the Shining Sun! Death to the capitalist pig, Bill Oddie!'


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