top of page

Liam Payne ‘groomed’ by Geordie housewife


The X-factor has long been under police investigation for ‘talent trafficking’ and franchising boy bands. Luring vulnerable teenagers with promises of a recording contract, androgynous clothing and all the lemon sherbets they can eat.


One particular pervert, called Cheryl Ann née Tweedy Cole Fernandez-Versin José de la Concordia García Márquez - or ‘Chezza’ (26) to her friends - took advantage of her position of trust – promising Liam fame, fortune and, failing that, the chance to meet James Corden.


Why Liam should be attracted to a multi-million-pound model is unclear, but friends describe him as an impressionable 16 year old, ‘who likes crayons’. Experts suggest that One Direction lyrics are perhaps a cry for help or at the very least ‘a plea for assisted suicide’. While others speculate that Cheryl is just trying to ditch her silly surname.

190 views1 comment

Recent Posts

See All

Data suggests a sharp decline in moronic decisions from Saturday to Sunday, leading to unsustainable levels of happiness throughout the nation and the accusation that the Government are only 'part-tim

With a population 63% Mormon, Utah State has been declared a turn off, bringing in legislation to restrict pornography. A Church official said: ‘We advise filtering the Internet by using golden plates

Her Majesty, resplendent in an 'I'm 90' badge and matching tiara, went out to survey her grovelling Proles. With a spryness that belied her years and billionaire lifestyle, Queen Elizabeth took a 'ce

bottom of page