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Madonna adopts mid-life crisis

A Court in Malawi has granted the aging pop singer access to the twin demons of 50-something paranoia and 20-something narcissism. Having explored vitamin pills and coffee enemas, Madonna has become convinced she can stave off death by clutching two young girls to her pointy breast.

Friends fear this another embarrassing mid-life crisis, like going to festivals – often headlining – and her perverse desire to learn to play an instrument. Yet Madonna has insisted that this adoption is not just a passing fad and that her love would last the test of time - just like ‘Voguing’.

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