Updated: Jun 21
A Retford man has turned overnight into a top military strategist, with the placing of his Euro 2020 wallchart onto his kitchen wall.
The news comes after sales manager Pete McBride, 42, ceremonially blu-tacked the glossy chart from the Guardian into place after breakfast today, before giving an hour-long summary of his current thinking on pathways to the final for England.
'Gather round; there's no easy way to say this,' said McBride to his wife and young kids. 'Overnight intel from Sky Sports and Bet365, all point in the same direction.'
'We have to prepare for a last 16 game against Germany or Portugal,' continued McBride, 'and then a quarter-final with either Italy, Belgium, Spain or...hold on, was it Denmark? Who did I have coming second in Group B?'
'Playing a false number 9 against Europe's elite in the knockout stages will be foolhardy and ultimately futile,' continued McBride, lighting up a cigar. 'In the folders in front of you, you'll see a 100-page summary of the tactics that I'll be using in my Fantasy team if, by the grace of God, we get to the semi-finals. All I ask is that you read it carefully, and consider it in your own plans'.
McBride finished his briefing with his daily reminder that only he had clearance to complete the chart with his special pen and that his five-year-old daughter Evie shouldn't use her Sharpie felt-tips to draw a princess picture over the fixture list for Group D, please.
'It's like this every couple of years, sadly,' confirmed McBride's wife. 'At least this time, we've had an extra year break with the tournament delay. 'Never, in the field of our relationship, has so much bloody effort and energy been put into something where we are obviously going to depressingly crash out of the tournament in the second round.'