A notorious drug lord may have transformed into a mole, in order to burrow his way to freedom. Guards foolishly ignored the fifty-foot-high mound of earth just outside the prison perimeter and the modest pile of half-eaten worms. Subsequently, a warning has gone out that the public should be vigilant for a large rat, a huge badger and toad dressed as a washer woman.
Given the size of the tunnel, this ‘mole-man’ is feared it will wreak havoc at local golf courses or at the very least become Marvel Comics lamest franchise. Said one guard: ‘Anyone who has seen the impact radioactive waste on ninja turtles, will accept the possibility of an anthropomorphic mole. We have several methods for tackling this monster – we’ll be keeping an eye out for further grass movement, trying to thwack him over the head with a two-tonne shovel and failing that, building the biggest mouse trap you’ve ever seen’.