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NASA confirm Bezos & Branson are first men to reach the complete waste of space

NASA’s Senior Director of Space Stuff, Hank Schitzler, has confirmed that the billionaires recent day trip into space was nothing more than one trivial step for mankind.

‘The idiots only went 53 miles up for fucks sake, and just because they wanked around with floating piss bubbles for ten minutes doesn’t mean they are astronauts in any shape or form. Space doesn’t officially start until 62 miles from earth, and by our precise satellite computerisations, all they reached was the complete waste of space. It’s so pointless we don’t know what to do with it. I mean, you can’t plant a flag in it or even play golf, for that matter. Goddam cocksuckers’.

Director Shitzler produced various coloured charts, graphs and reams of data to show that comedians hosting launches, Cowboy hats, and ridiculously permed hair do not form part of official astronaut training.

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