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Nick Clegg launches sinister dating site: ‘Salmond, Farage or Me’

In attempt to help voters lose their lunch, the Lib Dems have promoted a stark choice of sexual extremes, Nick Clegg has positioned himself as the ‘moderate filling’, sandwiched between the thick, sweaty slabs of the SNP’s Alex Salmond and UKIP’s Nigel Farage.

Those online, looking for love, can flick through photos and profiles of the three leaders in order to make their stomach-churning choice. One divorcee complained: ‘Like most dating websites the choice seems to be between a potential serial killer, a foot fetishist or a closest homosexual. The trouble is, I can’t tell which is which?’

A spokeswoman explained: ‘Being the lesser of various evils is something to be proud of. After all, that’s the criteria on which most of us chose a husband. And Nick’s your typical guy. He’s a Capricorn and is looking for some no-strings attached proportional voting. He’ll happy swing with any political party that takes his fancy. But note to Ed Miliband – no time wasters please.’

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