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Nigel Farage allergic to real ale

Having quaffed over 20,000 pints on the election trail to appear as an 'everyman' to voters, Mr. Farage has now become riddled with hives every time he swallows a mouthful of 'Bishop's Cock'.

One disillusioned voter said: 'I can't vote for someone who is unable grin inanely while drinking in a pub. That was the one thing about UKIP I liked, the grinning and then the drinking. Grin. Drink. Then grin some more. If he's just going to do the grinning I might as well vote for a chimp! It takes a great man to be able to grin and then drink. Just grinning? Any old fool can do it.'

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