In surprise twist to the Presidential primaries, voters from Basingstoke to Gosport have resoundingly thrown their support behind the 1st Earl of Chatham. Despite Pitt being absent from frontline politics for the last two hundred and forty years and ‘dead’, he is seen as more palatable than Hilary Clinton or Ted Cruz.
One Winchester resident pointed out: ‘If the American electorate cannot find a serious candidate, then it behoves us to take over. They’ve had their little experiment with life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness; but clearly it’s not working. We’ve got Alfred the Great and two thousand years of history, they’ve got Adam Sandler and a tonne of maple syrup.’