Olivia Colman says no to film
- eppursimuove
- Sep 18
- 1 min read
In an unprecedented move that has shocked the world of cinema, actress Olivia Colman has said no to an offer of work.
“Sorry, I just don’t think it’s for me,” she told her agent, Herb Schmuck, returning the script he’d sent her. “I think I’ll just spend some time at home in, er… gosh, do you know I can’t remember a time I wasn’t on a film set! But my PA must have my address written down somewhere.”
Schmuck described himself as “completely blindsided” by this development.
“I spent hours haggling with the producer over her fee, not to mention getting them to move the shooting dates to fit around her other commitments. I suppose I should have asked her first… but it just never occurred to me she might say no!”
The producer was also stunned by the news. “I guess we’ll have to cast… uh… come on, there must be other actresses around that age, right? I just can’t think of any right now.”
Cinema bosses meanwhile are panicking at the thought of entire weeks going by without any Olivia Colman films to offer the public.
“It’s a disaster - how are we going to sell any popcorn or ice cream without Colman’s goofy charm to get people through the door… wait, maybe we could forget all about current films and just show a Colman retrospective?”
