. 'I know this one owl, right, and she spends most of the day perched right there on a human's arm. How shrewd is that? She doesn't get to do whatever she wants and has to obey commands and stuff. If it were me, I'd have that arm right off. 'Round my way, there's this great pair of tits. They're charming, funny, and brilliant at political satire. When did you ever see an owl do a routine about the decay of personal responsibility in modern politics and have all the magpies in pieces? 'And starlings do this astonishing dance routine every evening where thousands of them move in beautiful waves and patterns. Do you know how many hours they have to put in to pull off that level of coordination? Has an owl actually ever done a basic tango with even one other owl? I think not. 'Last Tuesday I heard about a Swan who went to Cambridge. I mean, she f*cked up her landing on the river and looked like a right plonker among the punters, but she got there, you know. Owls don't even get close to the Luton College of Preformative Cake Delivery. 'I don't know a single owl who can conjugate a verb.'
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