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PM promises not to serve a third term. Voters helpfully rule out a second.

In an attempt to manage public expectation, the Prime Minister has said they will not be swayed into staying in office, regardless of any mass displays of affection. Meanwhile, nonplussed voters assured the PM, that no such displays had been planned; unless they meant the voodoo doll, abusive graffiti or the barrels of gunpowder stored under the House of Commons. One voter suggested they send gifts and signs of adoration via FREEPOST, as the PM ‘can never have enough bricks’.

A spokesman for No.10 said: ‘Well, of course, that’s just what the public would say. You can’t tell someone in advance that you are planning a surprise party for them. However, the Prime Minister is confident of the love they have for them’. Some political analysts have questioned the hubris of someone ruling out an honour before it is even offered. One commentator said: ‘It’s like Adam Sandler turning down an Oscar for Titus Andronicus. Neeeeeever gonna happen’.



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