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Pope not Santa

The Vatican has been forced into an embarrassing confession that Pope Francis has been fraudulently passing himself off as an arbitrator of good and bad behaviour, while gorging on turkey-stuffing and sherry. The Pope has been caught dressed in a false beard appearing at grottos and shopping malls, demanding mince pies and only the ‘prettiest of elves’.

Leaked papers suggest that for decades a whole series of Popes had been taking credit for Father Christmas’ efforts, often disguising their popemobile as a sleigh. To make matters worse these Popes have been illicitly stealing kisses under the mistletoe, yet with no evidence of any pontiff delivering any presents - other than the timeless gift of ‘Catholic guilt’.


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