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Prince Andrew's cottage will have a trail of breadcrumbs

Andrew, the Prince of our Hearts, is committed to renovating Prince Harry's old residence, installing a sound proof dungeon and a bejewelled stripper poll. Andrew denied that he was deliberately trying to entice children and said the gingerbread walls were merely a coincidence.

Local witches have complained that their new neighbour is likely to scare off unsuspecting babes in the wood. Said one: 'He's even removed the traditional child-sized oven and replaced it with a pizza oven. Admittedly his taste in children is a little older than ours'

Asked if Andrew had applied for building permission, his aide said 'no sweat'.

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