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Public shocked by the wrong part of the phrase: ‘Young suicide bomber’

Thanks to a shortening of our attention spans, most UK citizens only feel a heightened sense moral outrage for the beginnings of sentences. One twitter user posted: ‘I’m pretty much okay with bombing. And suicides are fine, provided that they don’t delay my commute. But young people - young people, doing anything - p@%$es me off. Lowrider jeans, what’s that about?’

Furious that someone was too young to remember Britpop, too young to buy fireworks, but not noticing if they were too young to participate in a Jihad, a local explained: ‘I was shocked by the age of this bomber. Shocked I say! If he had been 18 – well, fair enough. Eighteen is fine. In fact, if he’d been in his twenties, I’d have been positively bored by the story. I was reading an article the other day about enforced prostitution, but when I discovered that the participants were over 30, I just lost interest. Over thirty? How is that sexy?’

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