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Riots as US runs out of bullets

At 1.36 Eastern Standard Time, the United States of America officially declared that they had run out of ammo. The ensuing chaos has seen riots and looting in twelve major cities as a bewildered populace struggles to come to terms with the loss of their favourite pastime - shooting classmates and civil rights protestors.

The spread of violence was sparked when police squandered their last bullet by shooting an unarmed teenager. An eyewitness said: 'It was horrific. Without provocation, the police just opened fire. What a waste of life and bullets. Those shots could easily have been saved for an Arab or any friend of Phil Spector.'

An NRA spokesman said: 'The average American spends five hours a day shooting. Two hours a day dodging bullets. Nine hours working to earn enough money to buy bullets. Seven hours dreaming about them. And that only leaves one hour to masturbate over them. It's a hectic schedule.'

One of the by-products of this loss of ammunition is that the US now has 250 million useless firearms. One suggestion is that these redundant weapons are melted down to form 300ft statue of Charlton Heston, blowing the head off of Osama Bin Laden. One concerned citizen said: 'What am I supposed to do when I see an African American walking down the road? If I can't fire six warning shots into his head and arm – how else is he going to know that he's making everyone uneasy?'

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