Exploratory abdominal surgery on the Duke of Edinburgh has exposed gas reserves much ‘bigger than first thought’. The operation, under general anaesthetic, has revealed upwards of 170 trillion cubic feet of natural gas and will pave the way for the licensing to exploit further Royals.
A representative of the Bilderberg group, which met earlier this week, said: 'For a long time now, we’ve been trying to convert the hopes and dreams of the working class into electricity. Unfortunately, that proved to be a much smaller resource than was previously thought. Recently we’d turned our attention to tidal power, harnessing the tears of children, but it’s so hard to keep them motivated.'
There are some concerns that Prince Phillip may experience discomfort having water and sand pumped into him at high pressure. Environmentalists argue that the fracking process may create constitutional tremors and cause damage to areas of outstanding natural beauty like Pippa Middleton’s 'whoopie cakes'.
'That’s why plans are afoot to melt the Queen down for gold, use Prince Charles’ hot air to run a turbine farm and rumour has it, that Prince Harry is a 'diamond geezer', so expect some serious drilling there.'