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Russian war-crimes "investigated by the wrong ICC"

A leading British news organisation has revealed that information about Russian war crimes in Ukraine has erroneously been forwarded to the International Cricket Council.

The initial investigation carried out by the Rules Committee lambasted both sides for the lack of an umpire, poorly marked and maintained wicket and out-field, and the deplorable lapse in approved Test attire. However, they have been highly complimentary about the running between creases and some of the fielding.

In a similar vein, footage of the recent Winter Tour has been handed over to the International Criminal Court for analysis, which has confirmed it to be both "International and Criminal". As a result, certain members of the England squad have been arrested and transferred to Den Haag to stand trial, with the Court also ordering the seizure of MCC assets for promoting such "cruel and barbaric practices".

When approached to comment on this story, a spokesman for the British Box Company tersely replied, "For fuck's sake - not again !" and slammed down the phone.

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