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Sex originated in Scotland and will probably end there

A Scottish prehistoric fish - microbrachius dicki - was the first creature to have intercourse, but the final act of human copulation will be sometime on a Friday night, up against a wheelie bin in Dumfries.

One anonymous Scot admitted: ‘It’s a great source of national embarrassment.

No one likes doing it, but it’s the only way to keep warm during the winter months and keep the ginger gene in circulation. And if I had an 8cm Micro Dicki I’d be too ashamed to use it.’

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