Skirt length linked to DLT risk

Scientists are convinced that ‘Unwelcome Dave Lee Travis Syndrome’ is also caused by chest size, gender and being in the vicinity of a big hairy octopus. An attack of the DLTs can come at any time; with most women are being advised to stay locked in a darkened room, avoiding any career in the Media industry.

Women have been warned that simply turning up to work can provoke an assault by a host of personalities from the BBC’s Light Entertainment division. One retired male TV presenter explained: ‘Look, if they didn’t want to be touched, why get a job? Why do they wear those…what d’ya call them? Those thingymajigs…clothes! Yes, that’s it - clothes. All sexy like. They’re a tease – a tease I tell you!’

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