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Solstice Druids vote ‘leave’

Crowds gathered at Stonehenge to remember the catastrophic immigration policy that led to an influx of Anglo-Saxons during the fifth century. Bringing their European laws and illuminated texts, these economic migrants undermined the core British values of badly cooked mutton, dancing naked around fires and believing in fairies. Pagans across the world celebrated the longest Summer’s day, just before the referendum kick-starts the longest night – with the slogan ‘Keep Britain for the Ancient Britons’ and the less catchy ‘F@ck the Vikings!’

Endorsing the Brexit campaign, one lead Druid complained about the job threat to Wiccan-based businesses: ‘We’ve seen the steel industry collapse but what about the salt gatherers, the amber miners and the guy who keeps the pixies away? These Anglo-Saxons are just cheap labour – who smell of dung - and don’t get me started on the Normans. We don’t want a bureaucrat telling us what shade of blue to paint our genitals.’

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