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Spiders Say Pressure to be Photogenic in Autumn is Oppressive

Updated: Nov 21, 2021

Spiders have today complained of the unrealistic pressures put on them at this time of year to appear photogenic and a bit spooky. They claim they are being exploited as a pictorial shorthand for autumn. European garden spider Janet Spinner told us that keeping all eight of your legs looking adequately hairy and your abdomen an attractive shade of brown is exhausting.

Janet goes on to complain "You just pop to the middle of your web to wrap a fly in silk to let it mature for later and flash, you’ve been captured with your bum in the air and a look of intense concentration on your face. What with not having eyelids to cover your eight eyes it’s a right pain when you’re constantly alert for some lolloping human pointing a camera at you. Once Halloween is over we breathe a sigh of relief. Spiders don’t owe you spooky you know."

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