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Government planning to delay Covid enquiry 'because we're still screwing up'

Updated: Jan 10, 2022

Sources close to Downing Street have confirmed that the 'smug start date' for the Covid enquiry, originally scheduled for early 2022 on the basis that the mistakes, cock-ups and sheer blatant awarding of worthless contracts to chums would be a distant memory amid a pandemic that nobody could really recall, would need to be postponed 'at least a year'.

Acknowledging that by the planned start date of the enquiry the country will be in lockdown four, having screwed up lockdown three by waiting just three weeks longer than the experts suggested, again, and will probably be in full swing with worthless (to the country) contracts being awarded to ministers' neighbours, friends and pets for eye watering amounts for stuff nobody will ever use.

A spokesman claimed there was a 'real supply problem' in that they were running out of chums to supply contracts to. 'If this goes on for much longer we'll have to start giving contracts to people we don't even know,' he admitted today.

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