All the tricks in one go

Therese Coffey goes to Halloween party as herself

.

Man ludicrously thought that half-term event at soft play centre could be enjoyable

A dad who thought it could be a good idea to pay a family visit to their local soft-play centre over the half-term period has admitted now he was totally deluded.

‘It was a moment of madness’, admitted Mike McBride, father of two. ‘The kids showed me the flyer for ‘Halloween Madness’ - 90 minutes of haunting entertainment on indoor slides, a spooktastic disco and some ghoulish snacks - and for a nano-second, I was seduced.’

‘I thought everyone might be away on holiday for half-term and me and the wife could enjoy a nice barista coffee, poached eggs on artisan sourdough bread, and catch up on reading the papers in peace and quiet while the kids played’.

‘As it turned out there were 500 screaming kids high on Haribo in an area a little bigger than our living room. Within 10 minutes I’d squashed my hand on a turd in the ballpool and by the end of the session the toilets looked like a post-apocolyptic Chernobyl. I need a couple of weeks in a sensory deprivation unit’.

‘Luckily I’ve got a quiet rest of the half-term now with the wife and kids to look forward to', said McBride. 'We’re going to Ikea for chilled look round for a few bits and bobs one day and then go for a relaxing sit-in meal at McDonalds one lunchtime’