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Starmer officially out of promises to break

Having gone full-Brexiteer, the Leader of the Opposition admitted he had broken more pledges than a crystal meth user on New Year's Eve. Having graduated from the Lance Armstrong School of Veracity, Sir Keir has a track record that would make The Great Gatsby blush. An aide confirmed: 'Life comes with no guarantees, unless of course, you are buying electrical goods. And even then you have to tick that little box'. Asked if he would commit to stop breaking promises, he said he could not promise anything. Meanwhile Sir Keir's wife was seen nervously checking her marriage vows for the small print.

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