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Stop & Search to be replaced by Slap n’ Tickle

With over 27% of stop and search actions lacking legitimacy, the Home Office has strongly recommended a more flirtatious approach. ‘Yes, we will be slapping. But this will be tempered with feather tickling, followed by a light truncheon caress and a soupçon of taser titillation. And for those in custody, a tub of Vaseline and a large inflatable pineapple’.

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