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Suella Braverman challenges Carol Vorderman to cage fight

Suella Braverman took her strongwoman, right wing posturing to another level today as she called out left-wing firebrand Carol Vorderman and challenged her to a televised cage fight.

'I'm sick and tired of you lefties and woke, cancel culture Remainers moaning about Britain and our traditional values whilst drinking your vegan macchiatos', she reportedly told crowds at a policy exchange today, 'All they do is do this country down. They want to flood our borders with transsexual immigrants all going to the NHS to get plastic surgery. Then want to give them all ten million pound council houses built in the grounds of Buckingham Palace and Balmoral! Well I'm sick of it! Today, I think we should settle it once and for all in a trial of combat. I am challenging Carol Vorderman to a caged MMA duel, televised, with all proceeds to go the The British Legion Poppy Appeal (plastic ones only). Time to put up with your dukes or shut yer trap!'

Ms Vorderman has yet to respond but is likely to take up the challenge now she has been freed from her BBC fair balance guidelines. One source said Vorderman thought Braverman was 'an absolute consonant vowel consonant consonant' and would knock her spark out with 'two from the top'.

The shocked journalists were juxtaposed by the visibly excited, elder, male conference attendees who seemed to be very much for the idea, enquiring where they could buy front row tickets immediately. One added 'Will there be mud? What about jelly?'

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