The City has reacted badly to reports that Rishi Sunak was attacked by a Field mouse
and is hiding inside a doll’s house in the attic of No 10. Police say the Prime Minister went into combat with the beast armed only with a sewing needle and a shirt button. The titanic struggle took place in a deep pile carpet beneath a chair in the Cabinet room. MI5 believe the mouse entered No 10 through a drainpipe.
News of the clash comes as the OBR predicts Mr Sunak will shrink by 1.4% in 2023. The PM contracted sharply in December, leaving him vulnerable to inquisitive cats, hungry birds, and civil servants who don’t watch where they’re putting their feet.
Police have urged tiny people not to take matters into their own hands. If you are attacked by a mouse, you should find your nearest teapot and dial 999.