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The end of the Universe simulated in the Chancellor's head

George Osborne’s vacuous noggin has managed replicate the precise terminus of life as we know it. By following through to the logical conclusion of Coalition’s economic policy, the Chancellor is able to accurately predict the ensuing violence, social unrest and Zombie apocalypse to come.

So empty is Mr. Osborne’s cranium, that it absorbs all light, hope and evidence of tax evasion. It is said, it has all the atmosphere of a Miranda Hart studio audience. Remarked one scientist: ‘While nature abhors a vacuum, I’m pretty sure she also has a strong dislike for George'.

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