Psychologists have agreed that the world needs to stop focusing on the negative, have a relaxing bath and watch some footage of kittens being clumsy. One expert explained: 'The UK has a nice little self-satisfied buzz going on, but the rest of the globe keeps bumming us out. Yes, we lose the odd cricket match but thanks to four hundred years of unbroken democracy and internet porn, we actually have pretty good time’.
One UK citizen complained: 'The worlds a bad place. School girls abducted. James Corden movies. I get it! Admittedly I've not bothered to actually read the details of these stories, but I understand the gist. Disease, famine, blah, blah, blah. But seriously, World, get some perspective and just enjoy the start of the Premiership season’.