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Tories hope to tempt Stuart Hall out of retirement for It's a Knockout stage of leadership election

In the hope of renewing interest in the fortunes of a disgraced parliamentary cabal, spin doctors have advised the Tory party to add more bizzazz to the knockout stage of the leadership election process, by instead of having the traditional debate between the candidates about what they have to offer and why they should be the next party leader, the knockout should take the form of the It's a Knockout competition that bored TV viewers senseless during the 60s and 70s, but might entertain if the contestants were people seen to be getting their comeuppance for the part they played in supporting a charlatan.

Key to the success of the venture will be having it hosted by Stuart Hall, whose contageous laughter at the slapstick antics of the competitors is seen as the only reason for the programme's puzzling longevity. Stuart Hall's conviction for being a notorious kiddy fiddler was not seen as an obstacle by any of the MPs we spoke to, some of whom appeared surprised that anyone would find kiddy fiddling offensive.

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