The Ministry of Defense confirmed: ‘The frozen tundra of Caledonia or the ‘Dead Zone’, as it is referred to by the Tories at election time, is technically devoid of life. The only way we can defend the UK against the tide of filth and short-legged omnivores is to dismantle the UK. No jihadist or badger can invade our natural borders if we have no borders. Britain is much safer in smaller indistinguishable fragments. If we lop off Scotland, we’ll hopefully look like the Netherlands on any maps – thus fooling potential invaders.’
